Thursday, March 27, 2008

I'm gonna miss this...

Beau and I had the opportunity to plan a work related two night get away - our first night together away from children in over 5 years. We giggled with anticipation, talked non stop about the uninterrupted meals, sleeping in and just being together alone. For two weeks as I did my daily tasks I would day dream of the time alone with the man I love. As we began packing and organizing and preparing to take the children to Bristol - one little girl got sick. No big deal, I emailed Beau just a little flu bug - two hours later another one bites the dust. Still with confidence I continued ironing, packing and cleaning. On Friday morning Clara was better but Ellie was not. Silas snuck out of the house and got in his car seat....everyone was ready to get out of town. Ellie assured us that seeing Granddad would cure all so we packed up and left - hoping our 2 nights in Bristol would be enough for Ellie to get better before we left. Just a few hours after being in Bristol Ellie took a major turn for the worse - we headed to the clinic and she tested positive for the flu, strep, walking pnemonia and an urinary tract infection. Think postive ... she'll be better by Sunday. Ellie slept from Friday to Sunday almost without interruption - my hope of going and Ellie getting better faded and disappointment set in. How could this happen - I give all I have in me to give and I just wanted this time away. With crocodile tears I did what my heart would have me to do - I sent Beau on and I continued in my mommy duties. Molly was next with strep and a double ear infection and Silas ended it with an ear infection. It has been a long week. As I was laying in bed this evening watching Celebrity Apprentice - I listened to the song Trace sang about missing the part of your life your in. My heart choked up and tears came in my eyes because I know I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss my babies when they grow up. I'm going to miss being the one they cry for. I'm going to miss holding them all night when they are sick. I'm going to miss it and though for this season in my life I become overwhelmed and wonder if I'll ever have a break, God gently reminds me that I will. That one day I'll only have Beau to hold and I have a strong feeling that our conversations will still be revolved around these four precious souls that the Lord has so graciously entrusted to us. What a privilege and a honor to be their parents. My prayer is that I will honor God with the way I raise and love them and that I will not look back with regrets on their childhood but that I will look back with fond memories. On Saturday night, Ellie woke up long enough to explain the resurrection eggs to her grandparents -she knows about Jesus, she loves Jesus and she has him in her heart just as Molly and Clara do. What better gift can I ask for... And so it is with this I close - Thank you God for the life you have given me. Forgive me for not finding joy in the hard times. Help me Father to press on and when my life is over I pray that you will be able to say "well done my good and faithful servant."

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